I have a friend (a girl) who i expressed my feelings to she saw me as just a really good friend. now, this question isn't to try to win her over or anything but to help me out in the future. I'm sick of being this guy that is just a friend. i'm sick of hearing stories about how guys treat ';you'; badly, when i'm the clear guy who will treat ';you'; right. i need some advice.I dont wanna be the guy you go to for advice on guys i wanna be the guy you go to for it all?
f@ck dude... wanna trade?? watch what u wish for man
don't rush things bro... she will fall into your lap when you least expect it. also you being so nice to her (and not being all up in her grill to get in her pants) could act as a facade that you are not interested... you gotta tell her how u feel... she doesnt has ESP either and may feel the same way.
u need to be lovers before u can be friends/I dont wanna be the guy you go to for advice on guys i wanna be the guy you go to for it all?
Don't be as willing to listen to sob stories from girls. It puts you into the ';brother'; category and also encourages them to feel like victims. When a girl comes to you with a story about being treated badly, tell her you hope things work out and change the subject or end the convo. Don't be her shoulder to cry on. Let her talk to her girlfriends about it. Girls who do this are using you. The kind of girl you want would not come complaining to you about another guy.
okay ask her friends if she is dating anyone, then you have to convence the boy to break-up with her. So she can be all yours but winning her over hard part start hanging with her more and talking with her more and then she will start to get feelings for you then she will want to be more than just friends plus be yourself don't be the cool guy don't spend time with your guys more than her it will let her know you care!
be really nice to her. not like you arent... just... really do something. get her a dozen roses... it might sound like we dont really like that kind of stuff, but its the simple, heart felt things that mean a alot... but only to the right girls... some girls out there are very shallow... girls dont just like guys spending money on them,.... we like homade brownies or a handmade card from the heart.. yea, hallmark cards are easy and funny or romantic, but we still prefer heartfelt things better.
p.s. hope i helped!
This was written by a friend of mine, Christina Oettel-Flaherty. It is one hundred percent true and amazine and it definately answers your question.
Your average gal isn't an ultra-hormonal black hole of self-esteem with a bundle of varied neuroses. She's just not. Your average gal may at times wish she was a little prettier, a little more articulate, a little more funny, a little more fun. But she's just a person, not a walking, ruminating, pit of emotional disaster. She loves her friends, likes having a good time, wants things to be simple, wants to be happy. The average female doesn't suffer from some deep lack of self-respect. She wants to be treated right by the people in her life. She might not be looking for anything intense at the moment, though she most likely harbors somewhere within her the desire to eventually experience something 'special' (I mean, being in love literally sets off a firework display of endorphins in your brain-- who wouldn't want that?) SO WHY IN THE WORLD DO SO MANY SANE, HIGHLY-FUNCTIONING WOMEN GO FOR MEN WHO TREAT THEM LIKE ****? just gonna throw some ideas out there...
firstly: let's make this clear: It's the confidence and charisma we find sexy, not the treatment. GOT IT? Confidence often translates in our minds to ';successful, baggage-free, hot in bed'; (which, needless to say, are three very good things). Plus, someone who has people hanging on his every word is exciting to be around. He's admirable in an explicit way. He may not be a good friend, or a giving, respectful person, but people look up to him. It's unfortunate that people are willing to take more crap from someone they look up to. It's also unfortunate that confidence and charisma often are much easier to access with the people whose opinions matter less to you (the very people you'd be far more likely to mistreat). Personality can make someone infinately more attractive. Shame that if you're out at a bar (all other things being equal), you're not going to notice the fantastic guy who's too shy to approach you, but the asshat who is holding a highly amusing conversation with your chest but keeps trailing off to make eyes at every XX that passes. to make matters worse for our more intimacy-focused male friends, the rules of the chase apply to women too. A lot of the time, you want something until you got it. You've GOT a guy who listens to you, who respects you. A guy who disappears more frequently than Houdini is playing a game. (And I guess everyone likes games?) The good news for Mr. Nice-Guy is that once HE has got a ';someone special'; he's also got all of the skills to make it work.
Of course, then there's biology. A strong, capable ';Alpha'; male is probably going to be considered attractive. He would have increased our chances of survival. That's not really controversial. The other part of the biology thing is that women like sex too. Who can say why sex with the jerk might be better than sex with the boy next door? Ceteris parabis (ie same looks), maybe it's because there's something a little exciting about doing something you TOTALLY know you shouldn't do. (I hear that the parental advisory stickers put CD sales through the roof.) Maybe it's because it is generally believed/misconceived (keeping in mind that asshole-ish behavior far-too-often comes as a packaged deal with presented self-love) that a guy who is confident can make a woman feel more confident and pleasured in bed than a ';nice guy';. and the homo erectus will unfailingly go out and seek pleasure. (guess what? i hear that the pleasures of deeply intimate sex where both parties love and respect and are comfortable with each other are nothing to sniff at...)
The asshole is a good time. We're drawn to his charisma, confidence and charm. But I can practically assure you that a charming, confident nice guy would get the same, if not more, attention from us women. (It's not ';niceness'; that's a turn-off, it's awkwardness.) SO why do so many women STAY with men who treat them as if they were the scum of the earth? Well, I could go on for days about the cycle of abuse and the psychology of it all, but you wanna know the ugly truth? you idealize your partner when you first meet them--that's the endorphins speaking-- and by the time you find out the truth you're already attached. and when you care about a person deeply, it's hard to see the big picture. for some reason or many reasons the other options just don't look as bright. playful banter is fun. being played with is not. sometimes it's hard to know when the line's been crossed. maybe your relationship is the envy of your friends, maybe your kids really need him, or maybe your parents like him and you don't want to let them down. maybe you want to heal him, to protect him. maybe you feel like he can be reformed with understanding, or that he cherishes you as much as you cherish him, though he doesn't show it. it could simply be economics. maybe you feel like the problems you've had in the past have been your fault. likely, it's not even those things... it just doesn't seem like the reasons to leave him outweigh the benefits of the periods where he treats you right, where he makes you feel SO SO SO SO good. you feel lucky for the good times you do have. if he's controlling, you may even feel lucky that he loves you enough to care so much about what you do. his attention might make you feel special and wonderful and high. BUT LET'S BE PERFECTLY CLEAR HERE: this is ABSOLUTELY NOT a matter of a woman's self-respect. don't misinterpret the evidence. Endless numbers of strong, fiery, self-respecting women are involved in semi-relationships that are not as good as they are. life is complicated. everything's clearer in hindsight.
In the note I am responding to, the 'scientific evidence' that women liked jerks more than nice guys was that when he was a nice guy, he never got laid and when he was a jerk he made it four times in the first week. so, consider this quote-- ';When you're young, your whole life is about the pursuit of fun, then you grow up and learn to be cautious; you could break a bone, or a heart. You look before you leap and sometimes you don't leap at all because there's not always someone there to catch you. And in life, there is no safety net. When did it stop being fun and start being scary?';
i'll admit. i am a mild to moderate sufferer of this condition. i feel like it sort of crept up on me. and what do you do once you're terrified? you can't just wait for someone to come and sweep you away, for someone to make you vulnerable, because if you're reserved and guarded even the greatest, most understanding, most patient guy in the entire world won't be able to reach you. it's counterintuitive, but the greater the possibility for loss, the easier it is for someone who's terrified to make herself not care, to forge a comfortable seperation between her intellect and the thrill she feels. you can tell yourself to have fun, to let go, to have faith, to live in the moment. but it's not a matter of confidence, or even of general optimism. it's just, the fact is, there's a very real possibility that when you form an attachment with someone you will eventually be hurt by them (in small or even very very big, irreversable ways). But a fling with a jerk is practically risk-free. He can be fun, can be entertaining, and it doesn't involve any kind of attachment. with a jerk, you know what you're in for.
Nice guys: DON'T DESPAIR over a few lost one-night stands (yeah, we all know they're fun and all, but... here's some advice: get confident, get bold, feel as hot as you are, and make your damn move. You don't need to be scummy to get your share of hook-ups.) And in the long-run, please know that you won't finish last. When women become ready to take the risk of REALLY falling, of closing their eyes before they leap into something TRULY TRULY special, they have their eyes on you. Not because you're safe, because falling is always dangerous, but because you're absolutely wonderful. Some people have the misperception that what a woman says she wants and what she wants are actually different things. FALSE. I guess I can only speak for myself, but I think you'd be hardpressed to find many women who completely disagree-- for anything beyond playtime, we want something wonderful. We want to be treated right. we want you.
i think you meant, ';will';.
yeah man, i know how you feel. i'm the girl version of that. like, all the guys assume we're friends right away, and that i'm their gateway into a woman's mind. kinda frustrating.
i have no advice, i just have sympathy.
im into the nice guys. open doors, be a sweet guy...show them you are intrrsted like dont wait a week to try and kiss a girl....do suttle things that al least keep her mind going...open the doors, tell her you had a great time...
i have this niice guy friend who i had a crush on...he is nice but he doesnt call me he tells me to call him, he does things like put his head on my shoulder when we are hugging in the car...he does things that make me think ';maybe hes into me'; but i dont know for sure...so im not gonna make a move, i wont make a move he has to make the move...
shiv-el-re...VERY important, keep it alive
you looking for a girl friend? not asking if you want one.
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